i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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