i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize