I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
