It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
