So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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