she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
