Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
