I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize