My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
