I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
