we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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