I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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