so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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