so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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