So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
