When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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