dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
