i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
