thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I AM VODKA MAN
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
