I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize