I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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