Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Randomize
