I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
