loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Alive.
So much puke
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
