So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize