I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
