mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
