My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
