I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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