I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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