just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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