She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize