wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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