i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
