party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
