just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
jump out the window naked night went bad
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
