Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
