24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i think i just lost a toe
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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