The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
