Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
