somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
