I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
