Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
