Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize