You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
