the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
