Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
