I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
