Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
