Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
