Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize