This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
