I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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