from now on my penis is your penis
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
