you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
