It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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