someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
