now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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