thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Randomize
