What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
