how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
