Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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