we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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