not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
