i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
