you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
