There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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