I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
