wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
bring money and cleavage
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
