So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
