i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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