You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I need moral support for this bender
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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