At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize