My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Randomize
