Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
