i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
